by Dan Drake, LMFT, LPCC, CCPS-S, CSAT-S   For anyone reading this who is a sex addict or who is in relationship with someone who is addicted, you know that lying is a big part of the addiction: It helps to hide behaviors, get partners off the trail, and I usually find that the first …read more

by Dan Drake, LMFT, LPCC, CCPS-S, CSAT-S   “Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned, Nor hell a fury like a woman scorned” (William Congreve) Truth be told, most men are terrified of women’s anger.  Of course, many will pretend that they are “tough” and not affected.  Yet if they’re honest with you, …read more

by Dan Drake, LMFT, LPCC, CCPS-S, CSAT-S   There is a common notion that partners of sex addicts are as sick as the individual with the addiction.  Often exhibiting symptoms of anxiety, depression, anger, shock, betrayal, ambivalence, confusion, devastation, and myriad other symptoms, addicts and the treatment community alike have mischaracterized these trauma symptoms as …read more

by Dan Drake, LMFT, LPCC, CCPS-S, CSAT-S   Anna Fels wrote a piece on betrayal in the NY Times a few weeks ago.  I’ve been too busy to write about it, but since I had a few minutes today I wanted to share it here.  Here’s a link to her article: https://www.nytimes.com/2013/10/06/opinion/sunday/great-betrayals.html?pagewanted=all&_r=0. What I found …read more

by Dan Drake, LMFT, LPCC, CCPS-S, CSAT-S   I recently spoke with Lili Bee from PoSARC after the completion of the first Certified Clinical Partner Specialist traing by APSATS.  For those of you who don’t know PoSARC, it is a great resource center for partners of sex addicts.  Take a look at the interview and …read more

by Dan Drake, LMFT, LCPP, CCPS-S, CSAT-S   Here’s a powerful, yet disturbing video about the impact of addictive behaviors on partners: https://youtu.be/JAkT9xfbZPI Though not easy to watch, this video dramatically shows how our addictive / compulsive behaviors are never done in isolation – there is always an impact on our loved ones.  Often times, …read more

by Dan Drake, LMFT, LCPP, CCPS-S, CSAT-S   A fellow APSATS (Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists, Inc.) board member, Richard Blankenship, wrote a great blog on the trauma model of treating partners of sex addicts.  Partners of sex addicts often experience debilitating trauma symptoms as a result of all the complexities of …read more

by Dan Drake, LMFT, LCPP, CCPS-S, CSAT-S   If you’ve been around sex addiction meetings long enough you’ve no doubt heard people talking about “disclosure.”  While there are many different ways to go through the disclosure process, I thought I’d spend a few minutes discussing what disclosure is all about and why you might consider …read more

by Dan Drake, LMFT, LCPP, CCPS-S, CSAT-S   So what’s the deal with all of the different 12-step groups for sex addiction? There are several different groups based on the original model of Alcoholics Anonymous for those who are dealing with sex addiction or for those who are impacted by their partner’s sexual behavior.  Depending …read more

by Dan Drake, LMFT, LCPP, CCPS-S, CSAT-S   I’m often asked about good computer filters, so I thought I’d write a bit here to help you get started with some basic information.  For parents, these programs can be very helpful to limit your child’s access to certain sites on the internet.  For sex addicts or …read more